TEETH 4 TEETH

BY JUSTIN AKPOVI-ESADE

... And T4T Was Bounced!
ANY ear that hears this will tingle. Your darling T4T was bounced recently at Opa Williams’ Nite of A Thousand Laughs comedy show held at the MUSON Centre, Lagos. The sad story began this way, and we will use a typical Nollywood film style to describe the incident. Scene one: Enter T4T into camera view with all the swagger he could garner. He walks straight from his tuke tuke car to the gate of the Shell Hall, MUSON Centre. As he makes to step in, a heavyset bouncer stops him dead in his track. He thinks it is a joke, but the fella with his chest as wide as a billboard, demanded for his ticket. T4T brings out an identity card that was almost thrown into the beautiful flower bed nearby. He is asked to step aside for better people to go in. Camera zooms in on the bewildered face of T4T; sweat is already dripping like tap water.
Then a ‘saviour’ comes around in the person of Opa Williams. Williams looks at the humbled face of the ‘gossip’, sorry columnist and all what could be got from the look, was “I have got you at last, you that have been writing ‘rubbish’ about me and others; sweat the more,” Opa is saying with his facial expression. Then the Holy Spirit enters Opa and he remembers his wife is a Deaconess and thus must have preached to him times without number to always forgive people their trespasses so that God will forgive him his. He signals to Mr. Billboard Chest, and at that point, a humbled T4T nearly kissed the Czar, Opa in appreciation. That was my ordeal, dear readers, but will that deter me? Whoosai, a source said T4T has intensified his effort in watching Opa Williams closely. The die is cast!


Okey Bakassi, Pounded Yam: Inseparable Pair
COMEDIAN and latter day politician Okey Bakassi swore not to be separated from his wife at his wedding day, he has so far kept his vow to the mother of his children. Sadly, Okey appears to have made another vow-not to be far from pounded yam and vegetable soup. For years now, T4T has been watching (before he writes it) how dear Okey was getting closer by the day to vegetable soup and pounded yam. Recently at O’jez, the comedian/politician stormed in like one in a hurry to catch a bus, and called one of the waiters. Like in a quick montage sequence, the pounded yam with its sister vegetable soup arrived Okey’s table. It was after he finished breaking down the mountain of white substance that he realised it was T4T sitting some metres away. Bros, there is no crime in loving a certain delicacy, but people are beginning to ponder why you always rush the food, and the way you bend your back as if you are trying to fence people away, while you eat it. We will get to the root of the matter anyway.

Ernest Adjovi on Facebook
ARE you wondering why suddenly you no longer get to hear about KORA Music Award chief executive, Ernest Adjovi? And you really want to meet him to ask why KORA award has not held in Nigeria since it was announced about two years ago? Just log on to facebook site and uncle Adjovi will be there live to take all the questions, that is if you succeed in drawing him out. T4T tried unsuccessfully to sound him out. When bros heard the first question, which was about KORA, he signed out. A trial will convince you.


Bovi Debunks Lekki Relocation Story
COMEDIAN Bovi Ugboma, whom I told you relocated to millionaire playground Lekki, and shortly later got married; has come out to debunk the story. He, however, did not rule out the possibility of that happening soon (una see how money dey talk?) Bovi called T4T on Tuesday night at about 9.30pm to debunk the story making the rounds that he is now a neighbour to other big boy comedians, Ali Baba, Basket Mouth and Julius Agwu and even ‘small’ Kefee. He, however ‘claimed’ it. Thank God that he did not also debunk T4T’s report about his brand new car (not Tokunboh please) and his brand new wife. If e no be one, e go be two. But as it is now, I claim a house in Lekki area for Bovi. To God be the glory.


Dadi Monso’s Secret Watering Hole
NOLLYWOOD star Dadi Monso and his journalist friend (names withheld) have discovered a place where they could eat cow leg and drink cheap beer. T4T was curious on the sudden disappearance of Monso, and when he enquired, he was told of the actor’s new watering hole. His detractor was at work last week. The detractor claimed Monso was tired of playing big boy celebrity and spending big money on beer at places like O’jez. He devised a plan and went in search of where he could buy beer at regular price. He confirmed it to T4T on Monday, but asked for some understanding from all his fans that have not seen him for sometime. We all understand, Dadi Monso, there is global meltdown. But watch it, make small pikin no go slap you, you know say no big man for buka o o.

A Y Draws First Blood
THIS is a public service announcement. This is to announce that ace comedian Ayo Makun also known as A Y, has shaken the hornets’ nest and please do not sympathise with him if he gets stung by them. End of announcement.
A Y drew first blood last week at the open air section of O’jez when on sighting T4T asked if he was on the verge of releasing his debut album (can’t recall telling A Y, I was into music). Why did A Y ask that kind of question? It was because of the simple fact that T4T has decided to keep his hair. Perhaps the now plenty hair reminded him of one of the nation’s hip hoppers. Anyway, for having that effrontery to take a swipe on T4T, the above public announcement has been issued because he who carries salt never wishes for rain.

Over K.O.K’s Dead Body
LAST week I promised that you will be given up to date information on how Nollywood star and ‘president’ of the Actors Guild of Nigeria, AGN, Kanayo O. Kanayo hopes to wriggle out of the entrapment by former president, Ejike Asiegbu. A day after the new president of AGN, another Nollywood star Segun Arinze held his maiden press briefing, K.O.K, gathered the media and announced that “over his dead body” will he relinquish power to anybody. He vowed to ‘crush’ any opposition (the typical Abacha style), who wants to take the crown he has grown to love within the period of just two months on the alleged ‘interim capacity’. There is an Abacha in all of us, na dia I talk reach o o.